Essay by Rex: January 2003

Wow, things have hit a new low as far as side effects to this radiation go. No, I'm not sicker. Fatigue has leveled off for now. Only occasional nausea. Sore throat is the biggest discomfort but my voice is more normal on a regular basis now. There's no need for shaving unless I want that baby's butt feeling. And who cares about that around a bunch of construction workers? Oh yeah, there's that cement guy that wears the Hawaiian shirts... I'll have to watch out for him, he may be a switch hitter. For the most part, I am grateful of the way I am currently feeling. Better than a couple weeks ago.
As I have previously mentioned, I was only able to notice sweet and salty in the flavor dept... and maybe those aren't even considered "flavors" but more of a sense. Any thoughts on that little detail? Therefore, I was drawn to things that I knew would be sweet or salty. The only real struggle was to actually get it down ... or swallow. Salt was going on my salad and soup at the diner. Vanilla ice cream was somewhat soothing as long as it was only a cone from McD's. The cone was discarded, being too scratchy.
On Monday, ice cream became too cold for the inside of the raw and sensitive mouth. Switched to pudding cups to help the medications go down. There's nothing like putting a spoonful of pudding in and realizing even it wasn't going down until some water was added.
Dr. Wong's mouthwash concoction which looks like Pepto Bismo and feels like an overload of the dental pre-shot Q-tip swab of lidocain is supposed to be used prior to eating. It gives about 20 minutes of absolute numbness to the mouth. "A good thing" as that scary lady on TV says. Just one problem. Being that numb makes my tongue feel as if it is as large as my forearm and about as long. I wouldn't know if I was chewing a piece of dried fruit or part of the tongue itself. I may save this stuff and rub it on my sore knee later. I'd know right away if I was chewing on my knee.
One thing mentioned in the pre-radiation info was that the use of metal flatware or silverware might become a problem. A metallic taste might be noticeable and be very unappealing. I glossed over this and passed it off as an item of little consequence. Until now. Plastic forks and spoons are what I use now. A cruel trick to play on someone who craves TASTE and only gets a metallic one.
It really is disheartening to be able to smell all the wonderful food aromas shooting out of the restaurant exhaust stacks around town knowing that even if I purchased something very appealing it will NOT translate into the reward known as taste. At work, if the wind is right, all I smell is "dairy" which is helpful to keep me from thinking about food.
Anyway, the new development is that I now cannot taste salty or sweet either.
Have you ever heard so much wimpy whining?
The good news is that the last day for radiation is this Friday, the 10th. Day after tomorrow. The additional 7 days of radiation were eliminated. I don't know why but I think it has something to do with my 'charming' the nurses. The nurses actually said to me that they wouldn't be seeing me after Friday. I said, "Oh, I'll eventually be back. I may not be able to make money or relationships grow but I'm really good at growing these tumor things."
No more Nurse Ratchet buckling my head down to the table like she was snapping the latches on a toolbox and giving me that daily headache. The turning point may have come on Monday when Nurse Crankenheifer took my blood pressure and weighed me in. She started in on the fact that I had lost another 8 lb... She said that I was now under 300 lb. as if I had done something wrong. I haven't been under 300 for 15 years. Believe it was all those fishsticks, Tater Tots, chicken nuggets and pizza that Hurricane had been shoveling at me and the kids during the married years. Additionally, in more current times, a single guy's eating habits do nothing to whittle down hibernation fat. It tends to stick around like a bad credit report.
Nurse C. started grilling me on what I had been eating and that I wasn't eating enough. Again I said "Look at me ... we're not discussing a shriveled 120 lb weakling here." She said she'd bring me a case of varied nutrient drinks and that I'd need to drink them chilled 4 or 5 times a day. I am watching each of her chins bounce as she is telling me this. I am wondering about the last time she was under 300 lbs...
I have 98% confidence in Dr. Wong. Nice man. I liked him from the very start. I just wish he didn't remind me of Moe Howard of the Three Stooges. The height, the build, the face, the upside down kitchen bowl haircut, black hair. That's where the 2% comes in. I swear, if he tries to hit me with a sledge hammer, slap me or poke my eyes, the percentage will definitely change.
I'm so glad that I spent two years in the Pacific Islands listening to heavy accents struggling with English from all over the Pacific Rim. That's the term used to encompass all the countries anywhere in contact with the ocean itself. Which if you think about it, involves an incredible variety of culture. Anyway, I need every bit of help in listening to Dr. Wong's instructions and questions.
My very first meeting with him was well over an hour of listening to the who, what, where, when, why and how of the treatment. During the consult he asked if I wanted to invite someone else into the room with me to sit in the other chairs. I remember saying "Wha... who?" ....Oh, my support person(s). "No. I'm fine."
He began his long explanation of all the side effects, etc., and would occasionally ask if I had any questions. I kept saying "no." Eventually he didn't like this answer and I had to tell him I was spending so much time just processing everything I was hearing I didn't have time to think up questions. So, he kept talking, offering more information. I was on overload...
We were about an hour into it when he stopped and as an aside, said "You can have regular sex with your wife." Stunned by this from out of the blue, I just said "Wow, will SHE be surprised." Dr. Wong asked why. I said "because she divorced me 8 years ago." Momentary silence.
He recovered and said "Well, your girlfriend, then." I said, "Uh... I don't have one of those either." There was absolute silence for just a brief moment. The room seemed small. He didn't know where to go from there and neither did I. So, he went back to wrapping up the information on the treatment process.
So the weekly weigh-ins, the weekly blood draws, the weekly X-rays, the daily drive to and from St. Joseph's hospital is coming to a close on Friday. Dr. Wong says my sore throat should subside in a week or two. A couple of months and the fatigue will be gone and my taste will be back to whatever I'll be left with. The salivary glands are history. Dry mouth will be one of my assets. There will be no drooling.
I may live to be in my 70s or 80s, wearing diapers, unable to feed myself or otherwise entertain myself or others but at least no one will be on the disgusting detail of emptying my drool bucket.
And, I can always have regular sex with my wife.... Dr. Wong said so.
By the way.... Just what IS regular sex? I seem to have forgotten.