Letter From a Friend

I journeyed across the California and Nevada deserts today. I thought of my friend and his many trips along the same route, all the different vehicles, his many traveling companions, and the text up dates on his trips. I miss being able to talk with him, his constant texting. Then I think of the great things he’s probably doing, his freedom from pain, I know I don’t need to be sad for him.
Take care my friend, you are missed.

Rick Fairbanks
November 21, 2009

Letter From a Friend

12-22-09

Dear Rachel,

My name is Jim Petersen and I had the opportunity to serve with your Dad in what was then the LDS Hawaii Mission from June 1973 to July 1, 1975. Your Dad started his mission a few months later and I think came with a large group of Elders about August and went out to what was then the LTM in Laie to learn the “new discussions”. Scott Clawson was in that group as was Fred Richards and myself, being seasoned missionaries and knowing about the real world. I was not a companion of your Father, but knew him, probably the best by the love and admiration that Jerry Probst had for him.

Jerry Probst and I served our entire missions together. We met in the mission home in Salt Lake and flew home together on July 1, 1976. I was one of the witnesses in the Salt Lake Temple when Jerry married Julie Evans in August 1976 and your Dad rode his motorcycle to the wedding. Jerry and I were companions for several months and he always spoke with upmost respect for your Father. It was through Jerry that I learned that your Dad was a convert to the Church and the struggle to make a decision to serve a mission. Of how difficult it was for him when a Priesthood Leader who he respected had a spirtual manifestation on the way to General Conference, left the Church and formed his own I think polygamous group. I know, at times, he didn’t receive much support from home and yet remember him bear his Testimony to the truthfulness of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and his love for his family.

I have not spoken with Jerry for several years, but would be glad to share with you and your family everything I know and remember of a time that I deeply cherish. I believe it was around at the fall conference of 2002 that Scott Clawson and I drove to a mission reunion at President Crandall’s home on 852 Legrande in Salt Lake. That evening we went into the basement and watched old slides (that was before videos and power points) and there was a wonderful spirit of a time when we were much younger and were able to spend all our efforts teaching and trying to live the Gospel. Your dad attended and it was the first time I had seen him in close to 20 years. At the end of the evening he said to me and a few others, “this was good for me and something I needed. It reminded of a good time in my life and what is true!” He shared his love for his children and the life he had, even with the challenges.

Last nite a fellow Hawaii missionary, Fred Richards shared your email dated November 5, 2009. I have thought about your Dad, of his love for his family and yours for him. I thought of the Prophet Joseph Smith being taught by the Prophet Moroni of the correct quote from Malachi of turning the hearts of the children to their fathers and know there is a reason you are seeking to know and understand about his life. I thought of the first Christmas after my Father passed away was December 2004 and I appreciated the love and support of your Father and our fellow missionaries. A week before Christmas we had a wonderful mission conference in Laie and all the missionaries from the outside Islands, except for Guam attended. If you see a picture of a large group of missionaries in front of the fountain at the Hawaii Temple, it was at taken early one morning at that conference. I remember it was rather cold (at least for Hawaii) and had just rained. Elder Jerry Probst was one of the Assistants to President Crandall and helped plan Mission Conference. I remember it was a great time and helped me through that first Christmas alone.

It is my hope and prayer that you can know of our love for your Father and the good man he is. It is all of our prayers that you may feel of the Love of both your Heavenly Father, and your Father who as busy using his talents to bless others as he was in this life. May our feelings for Rex McBride, and the good man he is be felt beyond our feeble attempts to describe a wonderful time we served in a wonderful place. Please feel free to contact me at your convenience and have a wonderful Christmas.

Sincerely,

James D. Petersen

"When I Finally Make It Home" by MercyMe

Aubrey suggested this song be added to Dad's blog. I like that it has a double meaning for us 3 daughters. Here are the lyrics and the link for audio here.

Finally Home by MercyMe

i'm gonna wrap my arms around my daddy's neck
and tell him that i've missed him
and tell him all about the man that i became
and hope that it pleased him
there's so much i want to say
there's so much i want you to know.

when i finally make it home,
when i finally make it home.

then i'll gaze upon the throne of the King
frozen in my steps
and all the questions that i swore i would ask
words just won't come yet
so amazed at what i've seen
so much more than this old mind can hold.

when i finally make it home,
when i finally make it home.

and the sweetest sound my ears have yet to hear
voices of angels.

when i finally make it home,
when i finally make it home.

HHaappppyy NNeeww YYeeaarr - Tradition with Dad

I've been meaning to blog this over the last week, but haven't had a chance. I've been thinking a lot about missing him and all the phone calls and texts that we would have shared in these last three months since he passed away. I'm sure many of you do too.

Dad and I kinda had a little tradition going for a while for New Year's Eve. I'd always call Dad on holidays anyway. Lots of our conversations were 2 hours anyway. All the time, we'd chat about this and that. Thank goodness for unlimited nights & weekends.

Well, once about 10 years ago, I called Dad on New Year's Eve since I had the night off and knew that he probably didn't have any plans. We made it a "Daddy-Daughter Date" thereafter. I'd call him around 11pm my time (10pm CA time) and we'd chat for a while. We'd countdown the seconds to midnight and listen to all the hollering and partying going on right at the buzzer.

We'd continue to chat for almost another hour. Then we'd countdown again the Pacific Time Zone midnight. More hooting and hollering on Dad's end.

After a few hours of chatting and celebrating by poking fun at the crazies on the other end of the phone line, we'd finally have done enough gabbing to hang up. Phone-sore-ear usually followed.

This year, I kept thinking that I wouldn't be able to call him and celebrate TWO time zone's New Years with him. I called "Uncle Floyd" instead and chatted about what the girls were up to. It was good to hear his voice.

I hope all my memories never fade - but in time, they will. Thank goodness for this blog!

Proud Grandpa!

I've been thinking about Dad a lot lately. I sure do miss him. The girls still talk about "Pop Pop" anytime they see things that remind them of him. I have his walking cane that he accidentally left here one trip, and a hairbrush he used to brush out his beard to gross us out before we'd go into a restaurant. I also wear his old leather belt - Heidi has another belt of his too. Just little things that we find comforting to have around.


This is one of my favorite pictures of him with the girls. I wish it was better quality (took it with my old cell phone), but it's a clear picture of Rex, my dad, in his tan shirt and overalls pushing a double stroller through a parking lot. He'd always say when people would ask anything about the girls, "I don't know nuthin'. I'm just the Grandpa." Classic Rex!

I'm so glad that he got to meet his little granddaughters. I know he's up there now, telling all the other grand-kids stories and things about Earth.

I love you, Dad. The girls sure do miss their Grump-Pa, too!

Mission Website

Here's the website for the mission where Rex served... Hawaii Honolulu Misson

http://www.mission.net/hawaii/honolulu/index.php

Rex's Genealogy

I've been trying to get some family history stuff together and would love any help anyone could provide.

If any Genealogy Braniacs have suggestions of what sites are the best, etc - PLEASE let me know. I've started familysearch.org and ancestry.com for free.


Email me at idispatch4911 @ gmail . com

Thanks in advance.

Keeping Up with the Twins

If you're interested....

We've made a videos & pictures blog/website for Adelyn & Chloe, Rex's Twin Granddaughters. We hope you enjoy it. Feel free to make "requests" if you can think of anything!

theSTwins.blogspot.com

Dad's 2008 Birthday Present from Heidi

Picture Slideshow

Funeral Slide Show

The family thought that it would be nice for those who were unable to attend the funeral, or for those who were unable to watch the entire slide show video at the funeral, to post it here. Rachel made this slide show from pictures of Rex through out his life.

We are sorry, but since the video is over 10 minutes long AND it contains copyrighted material (i.e., the background music)-- we can not post it on YouTube. So, Ryan was glad to host the original video on his website space so you can download and watch it on your computer. Enjoy...

(MP4 / 651 seconds / 127 MB) (Right-click here to download the video clip)

(WMV / 651 seconds / 73 MB) (Right-click here to download the video clip)

Donations

Due to a spelling error, some earlier donations could not be made. This spelling mistake has been fixed and all donations can now be accepted to the "Rex McBride Memorial Fund" at any Bank of America.

Union Democrat Obituary

Much better.

http://www.uniondemocrat.com/2009100297986/News/Obituaries/Obituaries-for-Oct-2-2009

ModBee.com Obituary

Not exactly what I had in mind, but ...

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/modestobee/obituary.aspx?n=rex-howell-mcbride&pid=133783290

Rex McBride Memorial Services

The viewing will be held on Tuesday, October 6th at 9AM, and the memorial service will be held at 10AM (PT) at the LDS Church on Dale Road in Modesto, California. [map]

Graveside service will then be held at 1PM at the Mountain Shadow Cemetery, which is located at Greenley and Lyons Bald Mountain Road in Sonora, California. [map]

In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to any Bank of America for the "Rex McBride Memorial Fund".

Thank You,
The McBride Family

10/8/09 Update: Due to a spelling error, some earlier donations could not be made. This spelling mistake has been fixed and all donations can now be accepted to the "Rex McBride Memorial Fund" at any Bank of America.

1954-2009

Rex passed away peacefully at home early Saturday morning, September 26, 2009.

A viewing and funeral services will take place in Modesto, California at the Dale Road Chapel LDS Church on Dale Road.
Graveside services will be held in Sonora, California at Mountain Shadow Cemetery.

Dates and times to be announced in the next few days.

[Updated: Sept. 29th]

Rex's Time Grows Short...

Hospice said it won't be long now: probably only a few days left. Rex's body is shutting down. It's time to just keep him comfortable and help ease him into the next life by caring for him and helping him stay calm and relaxed.

All three daughters came to visit one last time and enjoyed joking and smiling with him. We had a few special moments and some tearful prayers of thanksgiving and comfort.

Rachel has been in Sonora helping Grandma care for him. We will notify everyone when he passes and when we've set times for memorials in Modesto and Sonora, etc.

Thank you for all your help,
The McBride Family

Essay by Rex: January 2005

I correspond with a sister missionary I served with in Hawaii in the early 1970s. She is in the last months of battling a form of thyroid cancer. She's 52 , lives in Salt Lake and just got her youngest son off on a mission last Sept. This is a recent email to her.
We've had many discussions, a couple about whether it's a good idea to have our missionaries come home for funerals if things got to that point. That issue has been brought home to me since my middle daughter, Aubrey left to serve in the Ohio, Cincinnati Mission in December. Since I had a close call in September, I told Aubrey I didn't think her coming home would do any real good, would only serve to be a disruption in her momentum as a missionary and who knows maybe I'd get to see her some way anyway.
Aubrey's parting words to me were that I had to live at least 19 months so we could see each other after her mission. I laughed and told her I'd try and work that into my schedule for 2006. We had a wonderful time visiting before she left to enter the MTC.
I suspect I may have many years ahead of me. Some, miserable and some not. My attitude will be the key. Three wonderful daughters to do home repairs for down the road and unfinished genealogy could keep me here into my eighties.

Rex

---

Dear Rene',

Thought I'd 'return and report' and otherwise check in to see how you are doing. Hope you are enduring things well. Since you and your husband decided against the surgeries and anymore chemo or radiation, how are you dealing with the pain factor? Is it still in the tolerable stage? Are you staying home or are you in and out of the hospital? Is your son serving his mission, dealing well with the uncertainty of the news?

It's interesting for me that there is no relief with morphine. When Demerol was administered I accused the nursing staff of 'trying' a placebo to see if it would help instead. Several injections made no difference. I literally felt no change. Funny that the best relief I get is Vicoden and it just takes the edge off.

I entered the hospital for more chemo on the 27th of Dec. Was there until late Thursday night (9:30 PM) on the 30th. It was the roughest experience yet. The nausea was greater than ever, almost never letting up. My roommate, this time, had a different type of lymphoma and was getting a different regimen of chemo treatment. When it was meal time and the trays were brought in, he'd start right in, eating. Unfortunately, the smell from his food drove me out of the room into the hospital hallway just to get away from it. I'd get up and unplug the pump administering the chemo to me and roll the chrome stand with the plastic bags hanging from it out the door and down the hall away from the rooms. Amazing how far the stink of food will travel.

I'd push my tray away and let them take it back. Even when the anti-nausea drug was given to me it took a couple hours to feel the waves of nausea disappear. I think I picked at 3 or 4 meals in 4 days. Scrambled eggs could sometimes go down. Jello worked. And water.

Cups of coffee is a regular staple on the meal trays. Never touched it but finally thought a cup of hot chocolate might go down. I requested some on my meal order. When it arrived, there on my tray was an individual foil packet of cocoa. No hot water. No cup. That's the catholics for you. Small "c" intentional, out of respect, of course.

At least one meal a day and sometimes two meals a day has a big, steaming pile of peas on the plate ... usually spilled all over the other food items on the plate. Who serves peas for lunch? They do here. I've even been served peas on the plate with a side bowl of split pea soup or more often: veggie soup with more than a fair share of peas (I'm not kidding).
I hate peas. I've always hated peas. I'm 50 years old and I don't have to eat peas. I'm beginning to think that all those peas and lima beans my parents forced me to eat as a child may be the cause of lymphoma.

I think the catholics believe there are some curative powers in the consumption of peas. As often as peas are served, I can just imagine the loading dock at the St. Joseph's Medical Center kitchen facility. I visualize dump trucks backing up to the dock, unloading. I picture pallets, dozens of them, setting at the dock with 55 gallon drums of peas, maybe even stacked one on top of another.
I picture the kitchen help who look like Oompa Loompas (from Willy Wonka fame) driving forklifts around moving incoming shipments of peas.
Oompa Loompas, wearing respirators, safety glasses, rubber aprons, rubber gloves and hip high rubber boots are hacking the tops of the 55 gal. drums off with fireman axes and shoveling peas into stainless steel wheelbarrows. Other kitchen helpers (also Oompa Loompas) wheel the peas inside and dump them into huge vats where they are super heated to get the most out of the taste and smell.
I visualize a long service counter where more funny looking help is lined up using shovels the size used to clean out ashes in a fireplace. They are scooping big individual sized steaming piles of peas onto plates set on serving trays.
Once the peas are loaded on the plates, then the kitchen help (can you picture them?) start to see what else is supposed to be on the menu. Sometimes there's a lot. Sometimes, there's not. Since the plates are two-thirds full of peas, there is a much smaller crew finishing the plates off with condiments, etc.

One of the specialties in the dessert dept. is a biscuit, sliced in half with a piece of canned fruit on it. My description is not an exaggeration. A real biscuit. Maybe a small peach half, maybe a pear half. The top of the biscuit is positioned on top. No imagination. Barely any flavor. No real attempt to trick patients into believing it's a real honest attempt to create a dessert. After a couple of days of this kind of food service I checked the window in my room. It was bolted closed. Every one of the 7 rooms I've been in since has been bolted shut. Believe me, I've checked.
I'm certain that previous patients had attempted to escape and the maintenance dept. worked overtime to secure the facility. If there was a mass escape and everyone left ... what would they do with all those peas?

Part of this hospital building is actually 100 years old. The walls are too thick to even allow me to listen to most radio stations. The one station I can receive well is the International Catholic Radio Network. Another station I can tune in is some Jesus Saves christian station. It is a labor for me to keep a religious attitude when this stuff is being presented.


I was released on the evening of the 30th of Dec. On New Year's Eve and for the next week my life consisted of sleeping, reading, napping at my shop and one trip to the cancer clinic to get an expensive injection of Neulasta to hopefully boost my blood counts so I could fight off infections.

On Friday eve, January 7th I drove to the mountains to visit my Mom for the weekend. Figured I'd attend Sacrament with my Mom, then drive back to the valley and attend my ward in Modesto. I had big plans to get some organizing done at my shop during the week. I could work a bit, nap a bit and make the most of what was supposed to be my best week, energywise in between treatments. I was scheduled to have my last week of chemo treatment starting on the 17th of Jan.

My visit with my Mom didn't go as planned. The expected energy wasn't there. I mostly slept and Saturday night / Sunday morning was awful. I was hot, cold, sweaty and boils or other types of skin eruptions were showing up all over my body. Bruises appeared all over. Looked like I had been worked over in a street fight. Sunday evening my temperature went to 105 degrees. My Mom drove me to the local hospital ER where blood was drawn (twice to make sure) and the ER Dr. said a normal persons' white blood cell count should be in the 250,000 range. Mine was at 4000 and I needed to be hospitalized. Like in September, I had another infection that was going to take me down fast. I needed a megadose of antibiotics and a blood transfusion.
The ER Dr. said they could help with the antibiotic (which they did) but I needed a transfusion of irradiated plasma and there wasn't any in the county. The only oncologist in the county refused to see me considering my poor condition. I didn't blame him a bit. A ride by ambulance to the hospital 75 miles where the staff and info was available was my best option.
I arrived at the hospital in Stockton at almost 2 AM Monday morning. I was immediately put in isolation and for the next 2 days didn't see a human face. Just people with masks and gloves. My diet was highly restricted to some basic overcooked stuff. Sadly, peas were not restricted. In four days I received 3 plasma transfusions and loads of antibiotics every 4 hours.
I asked for a toothbrush and was refused. A brush could cause injury to the gums and create more trouble with infection. I was given a stick with a sponge on it soaked with an antibiotic agent to brush. Much care was given to the boils that had appeared. I was surprised how quickly they reversed themselves and disappeared. Now, a few days after leaving the hospital the boils are no more than scabs.
Tuesday evening, two very good friends, Rick Fairbanks and Roger Hoskins gave me a priesthood blessing. I enjoyed their visit.
Wednesday, I noticed my breathing was changing. There was an ache in my left lung and a gurgling sound as I breathed. The beginning of pneumonia. My oncologist was on vacation and out of the country but his business partner Dr. Dighi filled in very well. He said I could go home on Thursday after an afternoon dose of antibiotic. I was hoping the next round of chemo would be postponed for a week or so but Dr. Dighi said I could come back, as scheduled for the chemo plus they could keep a better eye on me for other side effects.

So, since the first week of December 2004 thru the end of my last scheduled chemotherapy treatment totaling 55 days, 21 of those days I've been in the hospital. A number of the days I've been out of the hospital have been spent driving to Dr. appointments or to labs for blood draws. I'm afraid to try to total the days in or out of the hospital since June when I started this rollercoaster ride called chemotherapy.

It's tempting to say something about being glad I followed the Word of Wisdom all these years so I could enjoy good health during my "golden years" but I won't. I'm not sure I'll live to see the 'golden years'.

I guess if, after the bone marrow rescue and transplant I recover to a fairly normal existence, I will consider this all worth it. That is, if I can enjoy a decade or so of fair health. If, on the other hand, this treatment only grinds me down and finishes me off in a couple years even with the additional need for maintenance chemo, I'll consider the experiment / gamble a failure. I'll just chalk it up to the fact that everyone is going to die from something and this happens to be the hand I was dealt. Just the normal chances I took when I agreed to this mortal life. I guess going out early with a disease is better than hanging around 2 to ten years in a rest home, unaware of anything around me like some people. Yeah, I may not like the status quo but it could be much worse. Besides, what really seems unfair is when I see the occasional four or five year old with no hair at the cancer clinic.

At least I've been able to see my kids to adulthood. A couple of friends of mine didn't even get that.

Rene', sorry if this letter seems 'down' ... it wasn't really meant to be. I genuinely hope that whatever time you have left with your family can be enjoyable, relatively pain free and you'll be able to reflect on the good experiences in your life. Ultimately, we do have a better day ahead once this mortal probation is over. At least we have that confidence.

Take care and hope to hear from you soon,

Rex

Rex's Favorite Movies

Favorite Movies

• "All Mine to Give"(1957)
• Tombstone
• Braveheart
• Jeremiah Johnson
• Gladiator
• Lonesome Dove
• any baseball movie
• The Mountain Men
• MadMax
• Escape form N.Y.
• Monte Walsh
• 300
• The300Spartans(1961)
• Gallipoli
• Breaker Morant
• ...LeeMarvin
• KurtRussell
• ClintEastwood
• MelGibson
• ErrolFlynn
• RobertRedford
• and yes
• even KevinCostner movies.

Favorite Music

• 70s
• 80s
• 90s rock
• Sarah Brightman
• Andrea Bocelli
• most classical
• celtic
• Clannad. Some country
• WaylonJennings
• JohnnyCash. Some new age. That which inspires patriotism.

Favorite Books

• The Book of Mormon
• The Corps series
• Lonesome Dove
• anything on woodworking or gardening
• self sufficiency

Essay by Rex: July 2004

Brethren,
I went to my scheduled chemotherapy treatment today, Thursday the 22nd of July, 2004. A PET scan 2 weeks ago came back with less than desirable results. I called 3 days later to find out what the scan said.
I was told over the phone by a member of the office staff that the doctor was in with a patient and put me on hold. She came back a minute later and said the results were "stable".
I asked for a definition of stable and she paused. I knew I was chatting with a "20 something" office girl who is "out of her wheelhouse" regarding anything beyond the immediate workings around the reception desk. She just repeated that 'things are stable.' I thanked her and hung up ... nicely.
Three weeks ago I had been told by Dr. Mehdi there was a chance of switching me to a new form of drug treatment because more test results came back from the May 13th biopsy.
After consulting with colleagues at UC Davis he said he was certain that they were treating the wrong cancer with the current drugs I have been getting. The PET scan would determine whether those drugs had any effect.
Well, today just prior to my scheduled chemo treatment I was supposed to see Sandra, a physician's assistant (I think). She came in, asked a couple things then said the Doctor would be right in.
Dr. Mehdi came in with a somber face. I then realized Sandra wasn't smiling like she usually did. He started right in with the fact that he'd previously said the treatment could change. Now it was certain.
I got a bit of a shock when he said I would be admitted to St. Joseph's early Monday morning for a much more aggressive form of treatment. (More Aggressive?!?) It will require 5 days of hospitalization. Then 3 weeks of recuperation and 3 to 5 more days of a stay in the hospital. This routine will repeat for 3 complete cycles.
I asked about putting it off a week because I had Scouts going to Scout Camp this next week.
He said, "No."

I don't know what things will really need to change as far as getting ready for Camp. My van and camping equipment is still available. I will just load the lanterns etc. in the van and it will be ready.
Frank is handling most of the day to day details anyway. Bro. Gary Taylor is going to be the other adult leader until Thursday night or Friday AM. Bro. Wandvik is supposed to be there Friday. I am just not sure of the Two-Deep Leadership being covered towards the end of the week.
One other detail on my van... and a warning. It has been Floyderized. This is a word I made up years ago. Floyd had me buy hundreds of $$ worth of parts to fix the A/C. It worked great for a several days. Some of those very parts flew off as I was traveling on Hwy 99 about 1,200 miles after he put them on. The A/C no longer works. I'm told he will get around to it...
Oh, and another thing. The gas gauge no longer works. Again, Floyderization. Floyd borrowed my van and cut a wire while trying to hook up lights to a trailer. Somehow the gas gauge is now always at "E". A 'fill up' will get you about 280 to 300 miles. Use the trip meter of the odometer to be safe. Rick Fairbanks, Allyssa Fairbanks and I, all have stories about not setting the trip meter. The stories always include ...being beside the road ...somewhere ...with a red plastic gas jug ... or ....wishing for a red plastic gas jug. Once again, Floyd has promised numerous times that he will attend to this very small detail when he has time.
This not a 'shot' at Floyd's mechanical skills. If I ever need work done on my huge diesel school bus or my huge diesel fire truck, he's "the man".
Unfortunately, I don't own these types of vehicles. It's the ordinary, everyday vehicles that sometimes seem to need 2 or 3 'tries' before it's exactly right. That is the pure definition of "Floyderization".
Sorry if this puts anyone in a spot. It's out of my hands. Much like the last 25 years of my life.

Rex